Do you stay up late at night worrying about how your conversations were received? Do you become shy in public settings or compensate by trying extra hard to be liked? For those who resonate with these concerns the following is a guide for you to know how to stop caring about what other people think of you. For those who have had enough of driving themself crazy committing too much of their mental bandwidth to speculating on other peoples opinions on them, and for those that are exhausted of being tormented by their own mind. It’s important to stop caring because the alternative is to lose your life’s potential. How you can strive to become your most audacious, authentic self when you are restrained by the shackles of conformity and subservience? I believe you can stop caring what people think of you when you:
- Know who you are
- Acknowledge your somatic resistance
- Stop negative self talk
- Relinquish your desired outcomes
- Commit to being yourself
It has taken me a long time to stop caring what people think of me and come up with these solutions. But by combining regular self-reflection with determined self-growth, today I can confidentially live my life mostly free of regret and anxiety.
When you know who you are, you don’t look to others to tell you what to be.
The natural proclivity to look to others to provide you with approval is based on a self-assumption you do not have full conviction in your own self-approval. Knowing yourself is hard, so hard we’ll never know ourselves completely. And the bits of us that aren’t us, our culture, our parents, our childhood selves etc. mesh together in a complex web that overlays our intrinsic self to make matters even more confusing. However, these external influences that aren’t us, ARE still very much a part of us. They are important because they normalise our everyday functioning in society in such a way that participation in society conditions us to be fulfilled. The aim of self-knowing therefore needs to incorporate all these external elements without corrupting our own sense of conviction. To begin this process you must begin to question the ownership of all the forces of influence that act upon you. Differentiating those coming in from other people versus that which is self-motivated. For example, the perception anger/confrontation is barbaric, uncivilised and causes a scene. When it’s actually okay to feel angry, because autonomous living starts with authentic expression. You have to be true to yourself in spite of further anxieties to know yourself. By simply knowing what influences are external it will become immediately easier to acknowledge which stimulus are self-motivated, and therefore self-serving, and which are not. This process of knowing yourself makes you more unshakeable in the face of caring what other people think of you.
Acknowledge the physical component of your avoidance
There is a physical ‘somatic’ sense of self that’s symptomatic of caring about others’ views. Whether you acknowledge this component right now or not it still exists. If you don’t notice it you are not attune to your own reactions. What I am describing is akin to the hairs on the back of your neck ‘standing up’ when you get scared. I am referring to the subtle to overt physical ailments you experience when you find yourself fixated on somebody else’s thoughts. Becoming atune to these senses gives you options. One, to recognise these physical symptoms as psychological triggers for self-condemnation. Two, it gives you the opportunity to focus on these uncomfortable sensations and get comfortable with them. When you can embrace, even laugh, at these ailments you can cut off the stampede of self-judgement in its tracks. Hopefully with this newfound curiosity for your own physical senses you’ll be able to begin the practice of noticing them. By noticing them you’ll be able to switch off the triggers that cause you to spiral into a headspace of caring what other people think of you.
Catch yourself in negative self talk and develop a new habit
It’s important you develop new habits that help you to stop caring what other people think of you. Whilst it’s important to get to the root of your insecurities, it is also important to practice the habit of noticing when you have begun to think negatively about what others think. By noticing when you’re thinking about what other people think you develop a circuit breaker. If you practice the habit of intervening in your own self-talk you will be prevented from entering the endless spiral of angst and worry. There are multiple interventions you can practice. If you notice physical sensations focus on them, breathe gently and wait for them to pass. In the case of it being someone you have a friendship with, where your concerns may not be true at all, remind yourself of all the positive attributes they are likely to have. Personally, whenever I worry I about what other people think I remind myself I never mean anyone harm, but I can’t control how I’m received, and if they’re offended and dislike me I can live with that. However, I appreciate my method certainly requires a solid foundation of satisfaction with the rest of my life though. But by intervening in your negative self-talk with any of these methods it’s possible to stop caring what other people think of you in its tracks. It may not be easy at first, but a continuous commitment to this strategy will be transformational.
Challenge the ‘things you need to feel ok’ as you can ruthlessly can to free yourself
Freeing yourself of the conditions you need to feel okay is a key step in getting to the root of your issues when you worry about what other people think of you. Understanding these conditions require a self-awareness of your fundamental needs. When you can deduce and face these needs you begin to imagine yourself liberated from them. Then, when you are free of your own needy conditions you can enjoy the same relationships without fearing their loss. For example, say a person isn’t being text back from someone they fancy. One, they should assess their anxieties and understand what their dream scenario is. This would mean them texting back and you forming a relationship. Two, acknowledge the specific conditions their clinging to. In this example the forming of the relationship. Three, question whether these conditions are wholly needed. As tough as it is to lose a love interest, and as much as it hurts, and perhaps as embarrassing as it is, it is not life ending. You also have the benefit to find someone who reciprocates that love. Hopefully then it may be possible to progressively detach from what was once thought as a complete necessity. This same technique can be applied throughout a person’s life to free themself of many unconditional desires that inhibit their personal growth. Everything you need has an anxiety paralleled to its loss. Some things we will always need to feel safe, the wellbeing and health of our family, financial stability and personal health.
Commit to being yourself
If you want to stop caring about what people think of you, you’re going to have to get comfortable being in your own skin. To be fully comfortable with who you are is to block out all the noise and embrace all the judgement, which no one can avoid, with a warm content. It’s the ultimate solution, but also the hardest. My advice has two parts: find genuineness, and assimilate yourself into society fully. Genuineness is an awareness of whether you are being true to yourself. It’s impossible to become extremely authentic overnight, but you may find it easier to acknowledge any discontent you have with your patterns of behaviour, relationships, places of work etc. To fully assimilate yourself into society is to be busy, and to be be useful. Interacting with society, doing things, speaking to people is a fundamental part of the process of figuring out who you are. I’m not saying everything you do will stick, but it’s a vital process of finding your way. This process of acknowledging when you’re not content but most significantly by not withdrawing from society you will know exactly where you stand in society. And by knowing who you are you will be able to stop caring what people think of you.
Conclusion
All these ideas of how to stop caring what people think of you will have hopefully been thought provoking for you. I hope there are ideas that immediately resonate; scenarios where you can immediately see yourself reshaping your perception or actions. However, if all of this feels too hearsay right now that’s okay too. Just bear the points you found interesting in mind and reflect on them as you go about your life. You may be able to find some way of applying new practices to your life that way. But in either case remember, ‘Rome was not built in a day’. It daily actions compounding over years to make deep personal transformations to your life and stop caring what people think of you. After all, you are attempting to make changes to the very fabric of your personality. Against patterns of behaviour, reinforced neurologically over years (if not a lifetime). My advice is to be patient, start small and persevere. That is my advice. I sincerely wish you the best of luck, and I hope the time you’ve invested reading to here pays you many many dividends beyond to stop caring what other people think of you.